Pregnancy tests taken in the last two weeks: Three. They were all negative. I even spaced them out with a few days in between each of them just in case I was taking them too early.
My body has been telling me I am pregnant. One symptom after another and I started to panic. I ran to the store to buy some tests, with an eight month old baby on my hip. I think there is a confidentiality agreement to not mention anything, and also an agreement to give a sympathetic nod to a woman with a young baby in her arms and one possibly in her uterus, meaning “Shit girl, you’re gonna have your hands full.”
Jeremie sits me down and tells me it is impossible to get pregnant without having sex. I am mad for two reasons. The first reason being the fact that I remember removing my Fruit of the Looms on numerous occasions, but apparently it isn’t memorable enough for him to think it was just yesterday. The second reason is that he is wrong. I’m not a scientist, but now that I have made one baby with this body I think I am fertile Myrtle. I am pretty sure if Jeremie even looks at me I am going to get pregnant.
Reasons I believed I was pregnant (and still think three tests are lying to me):
Bloody nose – I never get them, but I did when I was pregnant
Bleeding gums – I am a daily flosser, keeping that gingivitis away so these gums are usually tough
Emotional – Pretty sure I was watching MTV and started crying at something Snooki said
Nausea – Nothing new. If I eat too much or too little I am dying, but still…
Zits – I usually have great skin! My face is breaking out, but so is my back! I got terrible back zits when I was pregnant
Tired – Dexter’s naps are a time for me to get things done around the house. Not anymore because I am exhausted
No period – I am still breastfeeding so I know it can take a while for it to return, but they say once your baby starts sleeping through the night it will come back sooner. Dex has been sleeping through the night for four months! They also say if you supplement with formula at all it will come back sooner. Dex has got a night time bottle of formula for four months! They also say once your baby is eating food, it will come back sooner. Do I even have to say it?!
I am also on the Micro pill and it has to be taken within the same 15 minutes every day or else it is ineffective. I don’t take it within the same 15 minutes.
There is a chance this is all happening to me because my body is returning to normal. But when I took each of those tests, there was a part of me that was disappointed every time they came up negative. I asked Jeremie what he would think if I were to become pregnant so soon after having our first child. To my surprise he would be excited! He’s in his thirties so the sooner we can have our children the better.
The only thing stopping me from getting pregnant with our second child (besides my lack of a period) are a couple of weddings I need to attend this spring and summer. It’s never fun being sober at a wedding. But if a little marriage were to happen between one of Jeremie’s sperms and one of my beautiful eggs, we would be thrilled. There is a place in my subconscious that wants to be pregnant so bad that I probably wouldn’t even have to tell this child he was an accident.
How can a person not want more of these things called babies?
