I have made a huge mistake. I have made friends with people who actually enjoy exercise, which I find strange and also leads me to believe they have some serious mental issues. These new friends and I don’t exactly have the “stuck on the couch eating spoonfuls of M&M’s dipped in peanut butter while watching Netflix” relationship I imagined in my head. They do like to drink wine though so I will keep them around.
I have finished six on-ramp classes at a CrossFit gym. These are classes you must take before joining the regular programs or else you will die. I listened to my friends talk about how great it was (I didn’t believe them, but I did envy Jasmin’s abs and biceps), paid for my six classes, and told my muscles not to worry because I would take good care of them. Son of a bitch! My muscles knew I was lying and have been making me pay for it ever since. Suddenly I am realizing I have the worlds lowest toilets in my house. When I go to sit down it’s like my ass is never going to get there. I am shopping on Home Depot’s website right now, looking for some higher thrones. Squats are torture and will cost you money. I am warning you not to do them.
I am such a flake and I don’t hide it very well. Out of the six girls that were at my Cool Party (now changed to “Book Club” to confuse our husbands so we can meet up and get hammered) four of us were new to CrossFit. I was the one everybody agreed would be the first to back out. I probably would have if they hadn’t told me this. I needed to prove a point and make everyone feel bad for ever doubting me. Just like anything else, I had to force myself to go to class Monday, Wednesday and Friday for two weeks but once I was there, I felt like a beast and I really enjoyed it.
Now the only problem is when to go. My brain works in not-so-mysterious ways where it says I want to do this, but at the same time is coming up with thousands of excuses. I don’t have anyone to watch Dexter. I’m having furniture delivered. My cat is sick. I accidentally just started my gym shoes on fire. I will throw up the bag of mini eggs and half a block of cheese I just ate and don’t want to risk it. These are all legitimate reasons not to go. I decided before any of these other excuses that I wasn’t going to go to classes at night. When my husband gets home from work at the end of the day, the last thing either of us wants is for me to take off for two hours. He wasn’t even happy about my six on-ramp classes and would ask if I could skip it and tell them I had my period or something.
Losing weight is not what I am trying to do. I want to gain weight (muscle) and get toned. I feel when I’m walking down the street, I’m frail like a baby moose, just born and trying to walk for the first time. Is that what people see? Thicken up, Brady. Hopefully I can find some motivation, buy a membership and actually be dedicated enough to use it. For now, I don’t mind doing some sit ups in front of my TV and rewarding myself with chips.