I’m doing it you guys! I’m really doing it! My annual blog post, to keep all you fans (thats you, mom and dad) up to date on the life of Brady.
I am about to celebrate my one year anniversary living in Beaumont! My fourth wedding anniversary falls on the exact same day, but lets all agree that we are more surprised about the fact that I survived a year here. We all knew I would make it this far in my marriage since Jer would be lost without me, duh. It was my big move that was questionable. Now I am going to attempt to entertain you with my life.
The year was 2016. I had put up a hell of a fight. But somehow I was here and the boxes were unpacked and we were settled. It was time to meet people. Now if anyone read my last post, you will know that sometimes I don’t make the greatest first impressions. Sometimes I will call your son a girl by accident. Perhaps I will make a comment about how ridiculous I think it is not to vaccinate your children right to someones face who doesn’t vaccinate their children. Maybe, just maybe, I will start off great when I meet you and then end up making a really bad sex joke which explains why you are pregnant, ask you your last name to find you on Facebook and then wonder what part of town you live in but decide you don’t need to tell me because a person can find out anything on the internet these days and that I will find you no matter what… and sometimes people run away from me.
If you want to know something about me, it’s that I love corrupting people. I love drinking and swearing and I especially love making others do it too. It’s fun. But it all comes in time. First, I have to convince you I am an okay person to spend time with. It’s the first encounter that is the real struggle. What I like to call “being on my best behaviour.” Sometimes I succeed, sometimes weird shit comes out of my mouth in a hurry (see above paragraph). If you’re trying to picture how awkward I can get, just know that I am the person that will be driving somewhere and when you tell me to drive safe, I will say “you too!” but you’re not actually going anywhere…
So I post on a Beaumont Facebook page that I am looking for activities for my two kids since we were new to town. Enter Stephanie. This kind soul sends me a private message telling me she has two kids the same age and if I ever wanted to get together we could. I invite her over for coffee the next day. She doesn’t know if I will murder her or not. We are strangers! But she tried finding pictures of me online beforehand and all she found was a picture of an old lady so she figured I was an old mom and if I tried to kill her she could only hope my arthritis acted up and she’d get away. Makes sense. My cool factor probably shot way up when I answered the door the next day and I looked so fucking young and hip when she was expecting someone else.
During our first visit, I basically turned blue holding my breath trying not to drop F bombs. BEST behaviour people. Our children played nicely and I didn’t want to ruin this. To be honest I assumed Steph was kind of a goody-good. This isn’t a bad thing except I feared she would drop me once my true colours started to show. This wasn’t the case. This was the beginning of something beautiful.
Steph introduces me to Giselle who becomes my token exotic friend. Straight from down unda mate! I feel like I hit the friend jackpot because she is also a nurse. I like to keep people like this close to me so I can ask them whether they think my kids need stitches and if it’s a big deal for them to see a real doctor before I waste my time going to a hospital. She’s also there if you have any questions about lady parts… not that I have any questions or anything. It’s just a bonus that Giselle is Australian. She makes me feel like I’ve seen the world! My Aussie accent is really coming along and my slang is top notch. Good on ya!
Here we are, doing typical mom things like taking our kids to the park for organized playdates. I grow my hair out so that it fits in a ponytail and I buy special knives to make sliced cucumbers fun because this is who I am now. I carry three different sunscreens with me everywhere I go. I consider a minivan. I disgust myself and realize I need to let my new friends know the real me. I need to tell someone how much I want to drink a beer instead. Then I meet Kaylin.
We are at a park with a million other moms in yoga pants when we introduce ourselves. I tell her this isn’t my scene. I haven’t heard a single swear word and I could only bet nobody had Bailey’s in their coffee mugs. She agrees. We both say we drink coffee until it is time to drink wine and we laugh like old friends. We are hilarious. And then she tells me she has five kids. I instantly decide I will not be friends with her. That is too many. She wouldn’t bring them all over to my house if I ever wanted to invite her over, would she? Well she has to you guys. They are her kids and it is frowned upon if you leave your children all under the age of 6 with your pet cat.
I am keeping up conversation with Kaylin even though I have decided she is a crazy person. As I try to think of a polite way to ask her why she has birthed herself an entire sports team, she interrupts my thoughts by telling me “I know what you’re thinking. We aren’t Catholic or Mormon. We’re just fucking stupid!”
We have been best friends ever since.
Us girls had made ourselves quite the mom’s club. These women finally knew who I really was. I didn’t hide it anymore. So when Steph invited all of us over for a party and wine I obviously went. This is where we meet Jeannine, Steph’s neighbour. She realizes how God damn cool we are and wants to be a part of all this awesomeness so she gets a golden ticket into our group chat where we line up our park playdates. Now Jeannine gets me. This loud and proud Newfie shows up to the park with beer in her Starbucks cup for our afternoon stroll through the park while we watch our kids run around with each other. This is how we survive motherhood.
Moving away from everything that was familiar to me was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I was scared I was going to be lonely and not be able to make friends. Moving farther away from my family broke my heart but these women saved me. I have a group of amazing girls who are always there for me if I need it. My two sons have so many great kids to grow up with. I love it here. These people are my family.
Oh, and all my friends can drink and swear their asses off now.